Science Camp, you had one job (Tubular):

I didn’t make a lot of friends at Science Camp, at least none that I can remember. I enjoyed all the time we weren’t in the cabins, or the ampitheatre talking about Jesus. The counselors were wonderfully freindly and intelligent people. I remember the first day we arrived at the camp, they ushered us off the bus and gave everybody instructions to go to their assigned cabins. Each cabin was assigned a counselor. Mine’s name was Jay. He wore very bright colored shirts, and flip flops everywhere he went. In fact, he was never in uniform as I remember most of the counselors were wearing. He had really long, and messy dreadlocks which I had never seen on a white person before. In fact the only other people I knew who had dreadlocks was my dad’s Barber James, and Sanka from Cool Runnings. I was the last kid into the cabin, so I had the last choice for picking my bed. I think Jay noticed this and called me over to the back. “Hey cool dude, nice shirt” he said to me in what I can only describe as the most Californian accent on the planet. “You can be my bunk mate, if you want. Dibs on the top bunk!” he said as he ruffled my hair. I appreciated his gesture and decided that I liked him the most. At lunch time, all the kids lined up to get their food. The other counselors were at different stations handing out food and introducing themselves. When it was my turn, one of the girls asked if I wanted a slice of pizza, “Yes, Please. Thank you.” I remember saying. The counselor’s eyes went wide and her mouth dropped to the floor. In a very cowgirl accent she practically screamed, “Oh my Lord this is the most polite kid in this whole entire camp! You must have a really good mom!” If I could blush, I probably did. I didn’t really understand what the big deal was though, that’s just what we always did in my house. Shoe’s off in the house, please and thank you, Yes Ma’m, No Sir, never “what”. I decided to make sure that I kept up that routine for the entirety of Science Camp if it earned me points with the other counselors, which it did. They all wanted me to be in their classes during the little break-out groups. I never got to be in Jay’s group during those lessons though, the only time I saw him was when we were eating or back in the cabin. He was always teaching me how to talk to the girls, or how to wear my shirt un-tucked or how to be cool. Every night for dinner, each cabin would take turns giving a little “presentation” in front of the entire camp based on what lessons we learned that day. When it was finally our turn, we had spent all day talking about weather, different types of clouds, phases of the moon and its affect on the tides. Jay was really into this because he liked to talk about surfing and used a lot of surfing lingo when he talked. I had never spoke in front of a crowd of people before, so I wasn’t really crowd-shy…or so I thought. Before we went up and gave our little speech, Jay went over my part again. He wanted me to sound cool in front of everyone so he told me exactly what to say. In my head it sounded amazing! I was going to have the entire camp laughing their nuts off and then I’d be fighting off all the girls. It was a fool-proof line. One by one, the other kids in my cabin went up to the stage and spoke their lines, our theme was a 7 day weather forecast so we all said a line for each day of the week depending on the weather. I had Sunday (clear skies, warm weather and a full moon during the day bringing high-tides and good waves). I strutted out on stage, stood high and confident in front of that podium, the bright lights in my face, the murmur of the kids talking amongst themselves. I can see all the counselors at the other end of the stage waiting to congratulate me. I grabbed the mic, and spoke. I had never heard my voice before that moment, an unpleasant mumbling noise exited my mouth, like the 4 horsemen of the apocolapyse, carrying with it the 7  words that I would haunt me for the rest of my life. “ON SUNDAY, THE WEATHER WILL BE…TUBULAR!” I looked back at Jay, two thumbs up. And for the second time, a thousand parentless children had vanished without a trace. Not a peep, no giggles, just uncomfortable silence. I exited the stage towards the other counselors, for the first time I noticed that they were all barefoot. Odd.  

Science Camp, The 1st girlfriend:

During my first year of Private school, my parents allowed me to attend a Science Camp with my 6th grade class. I remember being the only kid in my friend group that went, but oddly enough I wasn’t nervous. But for whatever reason, it was a lot easier for me to make friends with the camp counselors than with the actual kids in my cabin. The day’s were broken up into sections where each cabin would go off into the wilderness with a different counselor, most likely because each counselor had their own field of expertise. I remember loving the geology portions where we would look at different rocks and the different roles they played in the vast ecosystem of the forest, I remember learning about how to distinguish edible berries from dangerous ones, and how to name different types of clouds. On the 2nd night, all the kids were heading to the Amphitheatre for worship or whatever, I guess to remind us all that it was a still a church camp. This was always my least favorite part and I couldn’t even tell you what it was like. On my way into the open area this girl ran up to me and stopped right in front of me. She was wearing a red polo shirt and had dark brown, shoulder length hair. Her white shorts barely visible compared to her slender, long legs. “Hey boy! Whats your name?” She asked me. “Who me?” I shunted back. At that moment, realizing that I had never spoken to a real girl before in my entire life, my feet rose into the air, my body gliding into nirvana, pure bliss. I answered her back “Andrew”. Time was no longer relevant. “Ok ANDY! My friend thinks you’re cute. Do you want to be her boyfriend?” My body plummeted back to Earth. I looked up for the first time and noticed that she was dragging me towards someone sitting on the bench. My body was no longer sending my brain signals, it had gone rogue. “Hi, Andy. I’m Jaynie.” Said the blonde thing. Every ounce of my conscious being was attempting to keep my feet on this planet. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” I asked. The world went silent, a thousand parentless children no longer existed on this plane of existence. “Ok” she snorted and smiled. I remember noticing the greyness of her eyes, and the whiteness of her hair. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life.

The Grand Canyon

I think I was 5 or 6, maybe younger maybe older. My family was pretty good at taking us on fun vacations back then. My brother and I were riding our bikes through the campsites one evening. I wasn’t very adept or confident in my bike riding skills yet, unlike my brother. He was always more athletic than me, faster, stronger. There was a moment where a car was coming up behind me, and I was afraid to get hit so I pulled off to the side but had to get off my bike since I couldn’t ride very well yet. I remember the car passing by, and then looking up at my brother who was flying down the hill away from me. I called out to him to wait, to slow down, but he never turned around. I waited, 1 minute…3 minutes…10 minutes…he never came back. I started crying, and walking my bike down the hill alone. It was a big campground, but the individual campsites were pretty spread out, giving people lots’ of privacy, yet making it feel as if I was completely alone. Once I got to the bottom of the hill, I realized that I was also lost. I didn’t know where our campsite was, or how far we had been riding, I was just following my brother. At some point, maybe 20 minutes to an hour later I was walking past a family sitting at a table. The old lady asked me if I was lost, and I cried yes, so she said I could sit with them for awhile. I did. It was an older white family, I vaguely remember what they looked like, white hair, long and raggedy beard, lots of cigarettes and beer all over the place. They were playing cribbage, I didn’t know what that was at the time I just remember they had a wooden board with holes in it, and there were these little red and blue plastic pegs in it along with playing cards. At some point it was getting dark, and I asked if they could help me find my campsite. Luckily she agree’d, but only if I could remember what number my family was at. By some miracle I actually knew the general site number, now that I was calm and not crying my eyes out. Then she took my by the hand, and walked with me back over to where my family was. I don’t remember how long I was gone, it couldn’t have been longer than 45 minutes, but the one thing I will never forget was when we finally walked up to my campsite. Everybody was there, my brother was playing by the campfire, my dad was talking to my uncle and my mom was in the camper or tent. Nobody was looking for me, nor did they even know I was lost. Even worse, there was no huge relief or sudden realization that I had wandered off alone. Nobody cared. That feeling stuck with me for the rest of my life.